WHY DOES LOVE SOMETIMES HURT?


Do we hold on to a limited view on what is possible in Love? Perhaps we have a limited view of Love Itself. It takes a lot of practice to begin to understand that the love that we seek, in our lifetime, is never found outside of us. This is the last thing that I share in my wedding ceremonies, just before I pronounce the new couple married.


When I sit with couples in relationship counselling, they are experiencing that their dream of loving and being loved seems to come with a price tag. In story after story, I hear, “I thought it would be like this and it wasn’t; but I stayed anyways, because if there was a gift to be found, I was going to find it!”


Why, I would ask, do you really stay? Their responses were varied and many, but ultimately summarized as: It was better than being alone.

Why do we feel alone? Because we love ourselves second, rather than second to none. It isn’t love itself that hurts, as love is a conceptual and chemical/energetic construct created in the minds of the giver and receiver. The hurt is born from the unrealistic expectations of getting our needs met through an outside source. Hurt is fuelled by a belief in lack: a lack capacity hinders our ability to create a powerful and fulfilling life through our choices. Hurt is also the by-product of a ‘getting’ attitude, rather than a giving one.


No, love itself doesn’t hurt. It is we who hurt ourselves by not assuming responsibility to get our needs met. This type of commitment, to love self-first through ample care and time to listen and serve our soul’s whispers from within, will bring a very different, very healthy experience of loving and being loved, through the natural law of correspondence.


People can’t get hurt by another, as we initiate through our creative subconscious belief patterns, what shows up. So, in fact, we are hurting ourselves by complying with outer forms of disregard & disrespect, poorly disguised in the language of love. But how else can we respond? As the outer is a mere reflection of the inner, there is no other. So where are the changes, in loving kindness, to be made?

These words may be ringing true in your head. Regardless of your experiences in loving relationships, a sense of vulnerability seems to come into the picture, to fulfill our soul’s call to love oneself for God’s sake and to love another as oneself. When our sense of vulnerability begins to trigger fear or apprehension, perhaps we could lean into a spiritual perspective on Love. A perspective that would support us in emanating love’s inner radiance.


Ernest Holmes says: “Love is the central flame of the universe, nay the very flame itself. Love is an essence, an atmosphere, which defies analysis, as does Life Itself. It is that which IS and cannot be explained. The essence of love, while elusive, pervades everything, fires the heart, stimulates the emotions, renews the soul and proclaims the Spirit. Love reigns supreme over all.”


No, love itself cannot hurt us; but, as we seek to know ourselves as Love, and intend to give the Love we are, without expectation upon another, we will reap the magnificence of what we sow.

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